And then there was the second time...

After my last post I felt very confident going into our 2nd cath session at 1:00. Jia talked a lot about it and was nervous but I thought we would be fine.  Instead we got in the room and she fell apart.  I didn't get it right on the first try and that sent her into complete hysteria.  She was beside herself, crying, going pale, coughing, shaking.  After almost an hour of trying we took a break.  And yes, I lost it that time.  I left the room for a few minutes.  During the break I held her and we talked, prayed, and cried and she seemed ready to try again.  Not happening.  We left the clinic completely defeated.  Exhausted, frustrated, angry, I was all of the above.  I tried 2 more times in the room, more disaster.  The last time I completely lost it and told her just to go to sleep. 

I really didn't know what was going to happen if I couldn't get this done.  I honestly felt like God was not hearing my prayers.  I felt like a failure.  Really, after everything we've been through with Jia I felt like we could end up with the vesicostomy because I couldn't cath her. 

While she was asleep I tried again.  My mom was there if she competely freaked out but she barely woke up.  Finally, some success.  It wasn't perfect but improvement.  I felt a little bit of hope.  Then, God used two of my adoption friends who also cath their children to tell me what I needed to hear.  They reminded me that this is what Jia needs to be healthy and that she is depending on me to take care of her.  Failure is not an option. I had to go into this with determination that it was getting done.

This morning we went in to the clinic and she got very upset but we did it and without letting her get completely out of control.  We went back at 2:00 and she let me do it without anyone else in the room (they were on standby  just outside).  That's when the doctor said we could go home.  We headed about 2 hours down the road and got a hotel.  After dinner, I told her she couldn't go swimming until we did the cath and we were done in 5 minutes without tears!  She was still anxious but an incredible difference from yesterday.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of her.  She is one tough little girl and has been through so much in her short little life.  I am so thankful God chose me to be her mommy! :)

I never said..

"I want to be a nurse."  Those words have NEVER, EVER come from my mouth.  I faint at the sight of blood, I vomit when others vomit,  I don't do medical stuff well.  Today, however, because God gave me what I needed, I catheterized my child.  I know I do enemas almost every day but I was really nervous about this for some reason.  Jia screamed, she held her legs together, it took 3 other people to hold her down and help keep her occupied, but we got it done.  I held it together and didn't even cry when it was over and I was alone.  Praise God because seriously, I don't do this stuff well.  We go back to the clinic at 1:00 to do it again. :)

The urologist was very pleased when he removed the permanent catheter this morning.  He said everything healed nicely.  He also said we might not have to cath permanently but we will for now.  We will cath every 3-4 hours during the day and can go 8-10 hours at night.  We see him again Wednesday and will discuss the plan for more testing to see how her bladder is doing.   She can swim starting tomorrow and is all cleared to go to the beach on Saturday!!!!

Update

I truly meant to post earlier it's just hard to find time now that we are back home. So to update everyone on Jia's progress; She still has the catheter in place and thankfully we have not had any problems with it getting clogged. We are having problems with diaper rash. We are not allowed to do her daily enema until one month post-op which means we change A LOT of diapers and her bottom is bleeding from all of the irritation. This issue makes it very hard to leave the house since she has to be changed immediately (usually every hour) and most bathrooms just do not accomodate a 6 year old being changed.

We do not go back to Cincinnati until July 30th for the catheter removal. We are not happy that the catheter will have been 5 weeks when it could've been removed at three. This seems to be a scheduling problem on Cincinnati's end. So we are slowly counting down until we can do her enema (on the 26th) and until the catheter is out (on the 30th). My mom, Lillie Mei, Jia, and I will leave for Cincinnati on the 29th and hopefully return on August 1st.  Thank you for your continued prayers!

Gratitude

That's the word that comes to mind when I think of everyone who has helped us on our most recent journey.  No, it has not been easy, but so many of you have made it easier.  I think of the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child," and how true that has been in our situation.  Certainly not every person is called to adopt a child with special needs, but everyone can help in some way.  That's exactly what you have done whether you prayed, came to see us, sent a card, took care of things back home, sent a gift, or simply posted an encouraging comment on Facebook.  You all have made this trip a little better and for that I am so grateful.  I love the verses below and think they are very applicable.

This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.    Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.  And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! 2 Corinthians 9:12-15

It is so humbling to allow others to help me in a time of need.  I generally don't like help because to ask for help means to give up some control.  I'm thankful some of you are more stubborn than me and won't take no for an answer.

The pictures below show some of the things she received but they don't include the many balloons, coloring books, books, games, stickers, money, etc.  I'm not kidding when I tell you she got spoiled rotten. 

These pictures show most of the cards Jia received.  She received well over 100!  She loved opening them and always asked why this person wanted to send her a card.  It was such a testimony to her about the love of her family and friends.  Thank you Bethany Baptist you guys really showed her how much you love her!

Jia also received quite a few stuffed animals and there are few things this girl loves more than stuffed animals.

Three Steps Foward, Two Steps Back

Today started out great with everyone excited about Jia coming to stay with us in the Ronald McDonald House tonight.  Even though no one slept well last night, everyone was going off the adrenaline of knowing we were almost done. Throw in the fact that I was able to get my mom's and my sister's airline tickets refunded late last night and I was almost giddy.  I gladly put the sheets from the oh so comfortable "sleeper sofa" in the dirty laundry and packed up everything I could.

Around 11:00  I decided to go see if the nurse had an estimated time that we might be leaving so I could decide if I wanted to go take a shower.  That's when Harrison came down the hall to tell us, "There is blood running down Jia's leg."  Huh?  That doesn't sound good.  The nurse came in, called another nurse, who called someone from urology, who called someone else from urology, who called our doctor, Dr. Alam.  Remember it's July 4th--I didn't expect to see Dr. Alam.  All this time, Jia is in the bed with a decent amount of blood in her diaper and it's still coming out from around he catheter.  Thankfully, Dr. Alam was very calm (as he always is) and told the urology guys (fellows, residents, attendings--I don't know who they were) exactly what to do.  They flushed the catheter and took a specimen for the lab.

Dr. Alam expects that she has some kind of infection in her bladder.  We won't know the results until Friday.  The infection caused a blood clot which stopped up the catheter and then the rest of the blood had to go somewhere so out it came.  Jia was beside her self with fear this entire time.  She was so scared she was going to have to have surgery again.  She cried and cried.  I felt so bad for her and I couldn't promise that she wouldn't so I just held her hand and tried to get her to breathe.  We expect to stay in the hospital until at least tomorrow afternoon, probably Friday.  At that point they will let us know if we can go all the way home or if we need to stay in the area for a while longer.

It was a long, hard day, one we didn't expect but God was still there with us.  You see if we had been discharged just an hour earlier she wouldn't have had her PICC line still in, she would have had another IVput in--she HATES needles.  An hour earlier and we wouldn't have been patients, we would've had to be admitted again.  An hour earlier and we would've been across the street with no nurses, no doctors, and one slightly freaked out mother. God was definitely there watching out for Jia and I know He will continue to be there every step of the way.

Thank you for all of your continued prayers and support.  We love you all!

Choosing to See

I typed the title of this post before I really thought about it.  There has been a lot on mind today and it just sort of typed itself.  It's also the title of an incredible book by Mary Beth Chapman that I think about often and highly recommend.

Today I woke up at the Ronald McDonald House and realized it was July 1.  Then I realized that I will leave Cincinnati to go home no earlier than July 17 (probably not until the 18th) and I got depressed for just a minute.  God immediately reminded me that I cannot do this alone but I can do it because He will give me the strength.  I know that He lives in me and I know that He can do this.

So today-

-I'm choosing to see that we are here for a long time because Jia has a catheter in place.  If she didn't have that catheter we would be going home sooner but with a vesicostomy that would last for year.

-I'm choosing to see that her rash is better and her urine is only slightly pink now!

-I'm choosing to see that we are going home in July.  Many of the families around me have been here for months, even years.

-I'm choosng to see all of the love and prayers that have literally surrounded us this entire journey from the first time we saw Jia's face until now.

-I'm choosing to see my other children and the way they love their sister.  The boys "fought" about who got to sit beside her in bed today and she loved it.  They also tease her because she gets a milkshake everyday (the lipids going in her arm are white and she calls it her milkshake).  She told them the other bag had a cheeseburger and french fries in it and they made a big deal about how that wasn't fair.  She loved it.

-I'm choosing to see that God's love has been demonstrated to Jia in so many ways.  Every time she opens another gift or card she asks, "Why he want me to get better?"  What a testimony to explain to her that so many people love her and are praying for her.  She has loved every gift and card and they are displayed throughout her room. 

-I'm choosing to see that I am blessed to have an amazing husband who takes turns with me taking care of her at the hospital and literally dropped everything to be here even though he only gets paid when he works and I know he is stressed. 

-I'm choosing to see that we have the resources to be here with Jia.  There are many children here without a parent because they have to go to work and cannot take the time away.

-I'm choosing to see that 2 years ago this Sunday I held a scared little girl in Beijing, China who had no chance of living a normal, healthy life.  My God absolutely lead us to her and has used her to bring an incredible amount of joy to our lives. 

The list could go on and on.  I know there will be days that I will need to be reminded of these things; days when the stress or exhaustion will try to cover up my blessings so I cannot see them.  On those days I know Jesus will be right by side lifting me up and erasing those things so I can see just how blessed I am, but just in case you all have permisson to remind me. :)

Love you all!

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